Let’s talk about death and dying

In modern Western society, perhaps the only scenes that publicly remind us of the loss of loved ones are the Anzac Day or Remembrance Day parades, or the huge public displays of grief that occasionally happen after or when a celebrity like Princess Diana dies.

But the West hasn’t always dealt with death privately.

Three hundred years ago funerals were always held in the home, but over time the handling of dead bodies and funerals became outsourced to doctors and funeral directors.

Few people these days under the age of 40 have ever witnessed death firsthand, despite its pervasiveness in the media, and lack of familiarity means people are unsure how to grieve and mourn, or even how to talk about death.

Public grieving has also been suppressed in Western culture over the years.

We have lived through two world wars where soldiers and citizens have been expected to deal with death stoically, and silent stoicism has become the norm.

Some cultures express more openly

Fewer people attend churches on a regular basis now, too, so mass religious rituals have become less common. Some cultures still embrace public expressions of grief and are open about death.

Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people deal with ‘sorry business’ using death rituals, dances and wailing songs as part of ceremonies held on traditional country. These rituals continue over months or even years, until that person's passage into their next life is complete and those left on earth have finished grieving.

In Mexico family members are remembered each year on the Day of the Dead, not as a time of mourning but as a time of celebration with colourful parades. Graves are decorated and family members gather in cemeteries to dine not just among the departed, but with them, in the belief that they are returning to visit.

The Irish Wake, still popular in rural Irish villages, is perhaps one of the best known funeral traditions. When a village elder dies, the family prepares the body themselves and they are lain in an open coffin in the front room.

The community, relatives, even strangers drop in to pray, feast, talk, gossip and openly mark the death with handshakes and reassuring words. Through this ritual the living, the bereaved and the dead remain bound together.

Although death is unfamiliar to many in Western society, for people living and working in aged care death is part of life. Residents are often elderly, nearing end of life or in the final stages of palliative care.